Reasons I Can't Do What I Want

Hey everyone,
So, I've been working on this post for a while.  I want to talk a bit about depression and how it's affected me over the years.  Also it allows me to share the talents and insights from others on this subject, all of which are much more eloquent than my own.  This is also going to be a long post, and sparse in the way of images, but hang in there with me.  It's worth it, I promise.

For me I first dealt with depression around when I graduated from high school.  Part of what caused it may have been related to a bad first breakup, but I think some of it might have happened due to family predisposition as well.  There's not a lot of way to know yet medically speaking.  Scientists are coming closer and closer to figuring why and how we become depressed, but there are still a lot of questions to be answered.

My first experience with depression was honestly pretty severe.  I wish I could say I'd gotten proper help with it, and told family, but I didn't.  I had no awareness of the family tendencies til much more recently, and having met the counselor someone I knew had seen, I felt their methods weren't worth my time.  And I thought all those in counseling were probably like that, or at least most.  The one thing I did right in all that time was hold onto my friends, and tell a handful of the closest ones my fears.  To this day I am thankful for the 17-19 years olds who kept me sane in my darkest hours, you all know who you are.  After most of a year where I little appetite and faked being ok to everyone around me while wanted to sleep all day and couldn't sleep at night I started to get better.  My whole life was getting better and my depression moved on with it for the most part.  Occasionally I'd still have a bad day here and there.

When I had a second bout in college I had a better handle on myself and got counseling, which did help some.  Learning to deal with it, using my faith and other ways of coping made things more livable.  Since that point I've had bad days off and on in small and sometimes larger amounts.  Today for example is not one of my better days.  But it's not exactly bad either.  I wanted to go back to bed all morning, or go sit someplace dark by myself for hours.  I withdraw at my worst times, sometimes that includes being emotional, sometimes it's numb, or simply very negative.  But I deal, and have found that part of the reason I may have more bad days in recent years may be connected to my thyroid problem.  This and other medical conditions can influence depression.  But I still kept working, going to school, and trying to be normal.  However, it can take time to get better and on days where I needed it I always felt guilty, because depression isn't a socially acceptable excuse for many things, like taking a day off from work when you're feeling terrible.  (Article in the link discussing this more in depth)

Some of you may already be familiar with the work of the internet famous Allie Brosh.  She makes marvelous cartoons about Alots and doing ALL THE THINGS! You can find them here if you want to check them out.  Her later comics deal with depression and her own personal experiences with it.  While my experiences are not exactly the same I can certainly relate and find that the way she writes about it can help people who've never personally experienced depression connect with some of the feelings that can be associated and behaviors that are common when dealing with the disease.  If you want to know more about what depression is like I recommend checking out her work.

If you want a more interactive approach then check out http://www.depressionquest.com/ It's a game (very simple to play!)  That shows just how limiting it can be to have depression.  If you wonder why some folks don't get treatment, this might help you understand why (aside from some of the socio-economic reasons or affordability and stigma surrounding the disease that still lingers).

Almost done now guys, I promise.  Two things left.  First in case you're still wondering, depression isn't made up.  Mostly people you meet who talk about it aren't looking for attention, few are, admitting to it means admitting you're weak, broken, etc.  At least culturally that's what we hear often.  However more and more we're finding that depression is physical and can even be related to the bacteria you happen to have living in your gut which can alter your health aiding and even causing Autism, Crohn's disease, depression, obesity, Parkinson's disease, and ADHD as well as other ailments.

I find some days hard to deal with, sure I want to write lots of great blog posts, make amazing art, and be a perfect wife with a lovely home and garden.  The impossibility of all those things at once should be absurdly obvious to you folks, but I know some people manage to accomplish some form of this that on the outside looks amazing.  You probably have some in your Facebook feed, showing off gorgeous slices of their own lives.  On the flip side of things depression often makes our failures, even small ones seem huge, and the admirable goals we set to be beautifully functioning human beings with time and motivation to do all we believe in....well it's a high standard when you just want to crawl into a dark closet.

I leave you guys with this incredible poem by my friend and brother DJ.
Love,
Lydia  

Oh, you want to get out of bed?

Well that’s gonna run ya ‘bout 3 nightmares,

a fear of that noise outside the door

and the crippling anxiety of another jobless

loveless

lifeless

day.

AND you want to get dressed?

Well first, let’s sift through yesterday.

And I’m not even talking about the yellow brick road

of clothes piled up from your bed to your door.

I mean that thing you said

at 2:08 PM

to that girl you’ve been texting

how you agonized for hours

thinking you scared her away

(too).

That shit didn’t even send.

Speaking of sending,

I see you want to make plans.

Well plans

are for people in the light.

Plans are for folks with open doors

and your deadbolts rusted

before you even realized you had them.

I’m not locked in here with you.

You’re locked in here with me.

I put on the inkblots

and you tell me who you see running away in them today.

And your friends?

What friends?

Oh,

you mean the pillars.

The people you lean on until they break.

Don’t you see that everyone you love runs away from you?

What does that say about love

and what does that say about you?

Love is a freeway that avoids me

and everything is a mountaintop,

thick forest,

broken GPS.

Are you hungry now?

Good. 

There’s nothing you could pay me to say

that you deserve food today.

I’ll make everything taste like asphalt

in the south

in the summer.

I’ll burn you with the only thing you thought would never judge you.

And yes, they are judging you.

They see you fumbling with your socks.

They see the holes in the wall,

the tokens of my ritual.

Everyone is fine.

No one is suffering.

This is all in your head.

Now fuck you,

pay me.

Want to go

anywhere?

How many auditory hallucinations

are you willing to pay me in?

How many flashing lights will you mistake for the cops?

How many times will you look at the shoulder

and imagine your car wrapped around the median,

barricade in your chest 

giving you the only hug I’ll let you believe?

And what are you doing now that you’re there?

Watching the entire room.

The cost of going out is taking the whole world in.

You are not wall flower.

How dare you compare yourself to something so beautiful on my watch.

I am not in your mind. I

am

your

mind

and you will give me what I’m owned or

well, there is no else.

Turn every day into your deepest fear

or you don’t have a day at all.

Stop

full stop

every time.

Give me my flesh.

Cut it out of your wrist. 

The payment for survival

is just that -

no living, no being, no enjoying.

Survive. Persist. Exist.

Subsist. Persevere. Extinguish.

Subhuman. Purloined. Excised.

Cut.

Cut.

This is the excise for the end of the day.

You pay to wake up

and pay to sleep

in blood.

In ashes.

In the splinters of the bridges of the day.

Don’t call anyone.

They don’t want to hear from you.

I am your best friend now

and we

are going to be immortal together.

That project

won’t make you live forever.

The obituary will

and you thought I was done bleeding you dry?

Run your shit

because death will cost you everything.

Who will you tell?

Your parents don’t believe you

your siblings need you strong

and your friends?

We’ve been over that.

Your friends will never know.

We’re going to have a going away party for two.

I’ll bring the rope

you bring the bleach

and when they ask what’s wrong

from the good side of a hospital bed

the better side of a casket

tell the truth.

See how they feel 

about depression

taking a toll on you.

Me Oh My Oh May

Hi past everyone,

This month has been absolutely crazy with moving.  I don't even know where to begin!  We're almost finished cleaning out the rental and have been living at the new house a couple weeks now.  I haven't written in a while because I've been busier than almost any other time in my life (excepting the semester I tried to work two jobs!) and without internet for most of the month.  Life without internet can be frustrating at times, such as when I feel like writing, but hopefully I can make it a couple more weeks until evil old Time Warner finishes installing cables in our neighborhood.  The date keeps getting pushed back, so I'm not sure how much I believe them anymore with each new date they name since they originally said May 5th.

I've been rereading books I own, and working on painting the new house (and repainted at the rental too!), packing doing lots of organizing as we've moved things.  I can't wait to have everything sorted and in place the way I like it.  It's been a rough past month and a half, but we are so glad to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  We got our refrigerator Friday, and while there have been some issues with getting everything in out home contract completed in a reasonable amount of time I have I hopes that all will be done soon.  We're down to 1. internet, 2. a mailbox (they haven't installed the cluster ones yet!), 3. getting the last few window screens, 4. getting a hole in our screen porch patched, and 5. getting in the 2 light fixtures that were backordered installed in our bathroom.

As of last Sunday we're done with the rental, and it already feels fantastic!  Sure we have a house full of boxes (many from my parents since they boxed up bits of my childhood and I get to sort through it all.  Between trips to various coffee shops for internet I'm getting bits done here and there.  I'm eager to get things unpacked and start new routines in my house and studio over the next few weeks.  My goal is getting into habits that help my health and productivity.  So I'd like to establish some portion of daily and weekly schedules, so I can be writing or making art when I'm most productive mentally and starting my days in a way that helps me be more productive rather than wasting time.  It's a tall order, but I'm up for the challenge.

In that vein I'm also going to try making a capsule wardrobe for the first time.  You can read more about the definitions of a capsule wardrobe at blogs like Unfancy and Project 333.  I'm looking at staring mine officially today and have about 18 pieces picked so far, but I still need to finish my unpacking.  Some blogs are in the camp of counting accessories and jewelry, some aren't.  Personally I'm going to count any cloth items, but not jewelry.  I think I'll probably end up with about 33 pieces for summer, but will probably go with 35 for the other seasons.  However, we'll see.  I still have a lot to decide and would rather have less items than I would more.  I've also found that many people doing this kind of capsule wardrobe aren't using bright colors or wearing plus sized clothing.  So this should add some interesting quirks to my capsule!  I look forward to sharing the results with you all, but for now here are some shots from the past couple months as we've been watching our house be built and moving in.

I've got a couple more posts in the works, but it's been slower going than usual with the lack of internet.  So for now I'll be testing out some productivity apps - Asana, Balanced, Remember The Milk, and Toodledo.  And hopefully get in some reviews of them in an upcoming post.  I look forward to catching up with all of you soon (with internet at home perhaps)!

Love,
Lydia

Making, Growing, and Moving Things

Hello again dear readers,

I've been incredibly busy these past weeks cleaning and organizing things, getting ready for our upcoming move, selling my art at the CCAD art sale, plus some fun things like going out the see art during the First Friday art walk in downtown Raleigh.  I've got some newly completed pieces, and am working on more, plus putting many of my photographs up on Etsy for the first time.  I didn't realize how many I'd simply neglected to put up.  I should have more new photographs soon too, because at the new house I'll be setting up a darkroom!

I've been planning my garden, and even bought a pair of apple trees for it, a couple blueberry bushes, a grape vine, plus seeds for veggies and some flowers that will attract hummingbirds.  I also happened upon a sad little gardenia plant at Lowes, which I'm nursing back to health.  I've been prepping for the new yard by doing soil tests and planning where things will be placed according to the light conditions at the new place.

Between all that I've been neglecting my blog and my pins project, as ambitious as it was, it's been pushed to the back burner.  But I have several new ones to share with you, and will still be doing more as the year goes on, just less often since I'm being more realistic about my goals in an attempt to combat the some of the effects of depression.  Otherwise things with the new house as well as prepping the rental for moving are keeping me busy.  Here are a few shots of how the house is coming along.  I can't wait to share more with you all about the journey!  I'll write a more about it in a post later.

9. Coin Magnets, this was a quick easy one that I thought would be perfect for the coins from Mexico I've had tucked in my backpack pocket for the past 2+ years.  I decided to try a modification and used adhesive backed strips of magnet.  I got it to work on coins, plus I also tried it on pressed pennies!  I have a ton of them because they're such fantastically fun souvenirs from my travels.  I grabbed the ones I still had floating around in my wallet.  Anyway, I think I'll be replacing the strips on the coins with the resin and thicker magnets as in the tutorial, but for the pressed pennies the strips worked really well!  It helps that the magnets can be cut larger for them, making them stronger, plus their backs are smoother that the coins.  This is a fun one guys, try it out!

11. Homemade Stromboli, a great easy recipe, which while it takes a little time it's completely worth it!  It was my first time making my own bread product with yeast, but this recipe totally raised my confidence levels.  I can't wait to try out more bread recipes, though the kneading process isn't my favorite.  Maybe one day I'll get a breadmaker!  We opted for canned sauce to go along with the stromboli, but went with a more adventurous option, which proved to be delicious.  We also changed the filling inside the stromboli to sausage, which was great.  We decided we'd put the herbs inside the stromboli next time we make it, but otherwise the recipe was fantastic.

I've got lots on my plate as I get through processing photos for Etsy, packing like a madwoman, and working my way past a sinus infection (oh allergies!), but I'm excited to have lots to write about and share with you all this spring.  So until next time...

Love,

Lydia

A Bit of Reflection

Hi everyone,

So, I know it hasn't been long, but that's exactly what I was hoping for as I work towards making good habit in writing and life in general.  Here goes.

One of the things on my mind lately has been having kids.  Frankly a lot of my thoughts stemmed from contemplation of a couple posts here on Feathers in Our Nest.  Aliesha talks about how she's having another wonderful baby join her family, but knows that can be hard to hear for some folks, and writes about the loss she has experienced herself.  And it's fantastic to hear more and more bloggers be open about their experiences surrounding having and attempting to conceive children.

I know, a bunch of you out there are probably wondering why after two years a couple like Bryan and I haven't produced progeny yet.  Well, we'd love to.  In fact it's been one of our goals for quite a while, but it just hasn't happened for us so far.  And why is a good question I suppose.  We haven't found much in the way of medical reasons, and after 20 months of trying we're still in the testing phase.  We're not really looking for advice, but it's something that we know people will want to give us if the subject comes up because the natural response is to try to help in any way.  However, we're healthy and blessed to have our needs provided for enough we can support kids if we chose to have them or eventually adopt if it comes to that.

And for now we're buying a house, I'll be starting a garden, continuing to build my business, exploring, creating, and developing all kinds of wonderful things.  And I don't want to take any of this time to ourselves for granted, and as introverts we value it.  So I want to use my time wisely.

When I was in high school I wanted nothing more than to get married and have kids, babysitting and childcare were what I was good at.  I didn't really want to go to college, thinking my family couldn't afford it anyway.  Sure I had other goals, writing a book, making music, reading all the books I could get my hands on, and traveling too.  Then after a little while working I realized I could at least try a bit of college at the local community college.  And things changed, I didn't find the right person to marry right away, I fell in love with photography, painting, and Ireland first.

And when the time was just right I met Bryan, who knew he wanted to settle down and have a family; I was 27, things were good.  For now we're building a home (literally!) that we hope to raise our family in.  Some days it's still depressing for my own part, but I don't ever tire of seeing all those who are happy with kids and babies of their own.  I only get tired of having to answer the same questions about myself because I can't give the happy answer people are wishing for.  On the bad days I take it personally, as if there's something wrong in the depths of me.  But there are more than enough who need love in this world to go around, and I'll give it to whoever I'm blessed with.  And I wouldn't change a thing about my life so far, even if it's not what I expected.

Love,
Lydia

Pins 1, 2, and 3!

Hi everyone,

So the new year has started out a busy one for me.  I've been in talks about Starting a blog about art supplies with a new friend.  It could be pretty fantastic, and I'll be keeping you all in the loop about it if it works out.  I've also been taking care of Bryan as he's been sick with the flu, and then I came down with it myself.  As much as I'd started this new year with lots of hopes for fantastic projects and lofty goals of being productive they all got put on hold for about two weeks.  At the moment I'm getting caught up on life, things like the cleaning I'd put off over the holidays.  That was a huge mistake, don't put off cleaning like that.  It makes it so much worse to get back into things when the unexpected happens like this flu did!  And is just a horrible idea in general.  No Procrastination, please.

And when it comes down to it, maybe that's my true goal, to beat down procrastination and be more productive.  I'm just trying to be inspired by great ideas others have found work for them as I get there.  That's the beauty of trying all these great projects from Pinterest.  So here's a bit on my first few pins, with another post to come very soon.

Pin 1 - As briefly mentioned in my last post I'll be doing a January photo challenge!

I'm a little behind on it, but will be doubling up to make sure I get all the shots.  More on that to come at the end of the month.

Pin 2 - Trying a month of no shampoo.  This is a pin I've seen many times and have been curious about trying for the past 5 years.  So, with much trepidation I'm testing it out.  I've been using baking soda/water for shampoo and vinegar/water as conditioner.  You can find more on that here.  I wanted to do it for at least two weeks, and started January 3rd.  While I was sick I used regular shampoo once because I was feeling awful, wanted a fast shower, and hadn't got into the routine as well yet.

So, I've met my goal of two weeks, and feel like for my hair, which is very fine/prone to be oily it's just ok.  It's not better than shampoo so far, but I'll be going to the end of the month to see if my body is still adjusting to it.  I definitely am not able to go very long between washes, but I was never able to with shampoo either.  I pretty much have to wash my hair every day.  Overall the pros so far are that it's gentle on my body, got rid of frizz, even with blow drying, and it's seemed to make my hair color go farther (especially the purple!).  So that's all pretty good; and the cons are that it takes a little more time and thought in the shower, leaves my hair with less shine, and leaves my hair without much body (it has very little anyway, but I can get a little more with shampoo than with baking soda and vinegar).

I'll give another follow up on this at the end of the month to see if there's been more change as my body adjusts, or if it's stayed about the same.  However, so far I'm still in the shampoo camp, though ladies with thicker hair than me may want to try this out!  It's super cheap compared to shampoo/conditioner and not that hard to get used to.

Pin 3 - 52 book challenge!  I'm excited for this one, as I love to read.  It comes out to being a book a week for the entire year.  I'll be sharing each of the 52 with you and probably doing some theme challenges within the 52 using another interesting pin.  Thus far I've read:

Week 1 - Lock In by John Scalzi, which is fantastic!  The premise is in a speculative future where a disease has rendered about 1% of the population locked in paralyzed bodies.  Technology has helped these individuals reconnect with the world, but brought it's own fair share of problems to complicate things as a mystery is solved.  (before the new year I'd read one of his more famous books, Redshirts, a Star Trek parody/love letter.  While fun, it hadn't sold me on his writing skills because it was so light, Lock In proved to have a much richer world.)

Week 2 - Ms Marvel Volume 1 written by G. Willow Wilson, art by Adrian Alphona- A great start for what looks to be a fantastic series.  It's got many classic elements of the teenage superhero storyline as our heroine finds her powers and chooses how to use them much in the way of Peter Parker.  Some things that add interest are the heroine's background as a Muslim and woman of color.  It brings up the idea of being true to oneself as the most satisfying path, and follows Ms Kahn as she learns how to be herself, and not the superheroes she idolizes.

and a bonus since I was sick - Landscaping with Fruit by Lee Reich - This book is a pretty thorough look at a good collection of fruits for home gardens.  The author's a little biased towards what he enjoys, but it's given me a great start to my plans for the garden at our new house.  It's an easy read that's good enough to pick up as a reference book if you're interested in this kind of gardening.  I borrowed it from the library, and may buy it eventually myself.

Week 3 - The Johnstown Flood by David McCullough - I love history, and had been curious about just what made this flood so tragic, and when I saw the book as a Kindle Daily Deal I snapped it up.  Getting over the flu gave a good time to read it.  McCullough is a great researcher, and keeps fact and fiction separate while writing a book that's easy to read.  The events surrounding the flood were in some ways relatable to the current events of today with big companies allowing less than safe conditions for the public, while happily paying very little consequence for their actions later when people are hurt.  Additionally there are some great firsthand accounts of the experience that McCullough weaves together masterfully creating a seamless story from them.  I didn't realize until after the fact that the book was written in 1968, which is a bit amazing since it's quite sensitive to social issues of all kinds.  Though it does lack the voice of anyone besides white Americans, and I would have loved to hear accounts from the immigrants or African American people as well.   Overall it's a great read, and I'll be reading more of his work in the future (I've been meaning to for a while!)

I keep a record of the books I read on Goodreads.com, feel free to friend me there!

Speaking of following, please follow me on Pinterest if you'd like to keep up with the pins I'm working on over the course of this year, you can find me here.  I'll be seeing you all again soon as I share more pins and projects with you!

Love,

Lydia

Two Years and a New Year!

Good afternoon everyone!

This past Tuesday, December 30th marked the second anniversary of my marriage to Bryan.  I can honestly say neither of us had any idea of the changes both good and bad that would be in store for us over the first two years of our marriage.  However, both of us knew we wanted to meet whatever challenges might come with the other, side by side, as best of friends, and deeply in love.  That love has only deepened since, and I know I don't talk about it too often, but that's mostly because I'm private, and have no complaints!  I am ever so glad to to have him in my life.

He may not read my blog much, but I wanted to do a little photo recap of our past two years.  Hopefully you all will enjoy it too!

December 30 2012

We had a small ceremony, with mostly just family.  Photos taken by the fantastic Arielei Kinzer!

Bryan and I headed to Florida for our honeymoon, spending time in Savannah, GA, St Augustine, FL, and Orlando, FL.  You can see we're really just big kids at heart!

After the honeymoon, in February Bryan lost his job at ACHC, which was really an old internship from when he was in college that had let him stay on after graduation.  This led to a tough month for us as he searched for a new job and in March happily started working for the NC Dept. of Agriculture as a programmer.

In May we moved out of the little apartment we were sharing with Bryan's brother Stephen and into a little rental house of our own.  We got to paint and decorate a bit and have really enjoyed living close to both Bryan's job downtown and his parents in North Raleigh.

We went to the beach with family and friends that August, where I tested out a new lens for my phone's camera.

During the fall of 2013 I worked on my domestic skills, making chili (recipe for that here), growing my own tomatoes (everything else I tried to grow that year died), and working on my computer out on the screened in porch as Carolina Wrens occasionally visited.

Bryan and I headed to our first concert together, Switchfoot! And not soon after saw Neko Case, though no photos were allowed at that show.

In October Bryan was rear ended, totaling our old Buick, so in early November we got a little Honda Civic hybrid, which was a huge improvement in gas mileage and our first car of our own.



We also went to the NC State Fair together and made silly faces while enjoying ourselves.

As part of our Thanksgiving week that year we also went to DC for a couple days to visit the Smithsonian.  On day one we went to the National History Museum.  We didn't know my friend Samantha was going to be there, but we ended up meeting with her to go to the Natural Science Museum the next day. The butterfly house was amazing!

And we celebrated our first Christmas as a married couple!

Throughout 2014 we spent lots of time with family.  Some of it was at home and a bit at the family reunion, the beach, and the weekend in the mountains.  We spent our time having friends like Stuart over to visit, road tripping with brothers, exploring caves, playing board games, and fixing flat tires!

So you all have mostly heard about all that has gone on with us this year.  However, in October Bryan heard he'd soon be laid off from his job with the state.  He had enough notice that he was able to get a new position at a great educational programming company in Durham that he started immediately after his job at the state ended.  I couldn't believe how hugely blessed we were by that one.  I tried working for Anthropologie for a bit after attempting the Kickstarter in January, but am now simply working as an artist.  I had my first local show in December, and we also got our lovely pet rabbit, Scarlet, which has made the last month of the year exciting.

And finally, our next big announcement is that we'll be buying a house this spring!  We need to move closer to Bryan's job in Durham (it's 45 minutes to an hour each way!) and the new job has allowed us to afford buying over renting.  So we've found a new neighborhood that's being built and will be getting a house with some custom features built for us.  We're currently starting the design process, and are really excited.  I can't wait to share more with you all as we make the journey to home ownership!  Here's a shot of the rendering of our home (top image), plus the siding and door colors, Thistle Green and Tuxedo Gray respectively.  Any advice and such is welcome as we're learning along the way and love hearing the stories of others as we work our way through the process.

I'm looking forward to all 2015 has to offer, and can't wait to share it with you all!  Each weekday I'll be working on Pinterest projects and sharing the results with you all.  To start things off I'm doing a January Photo Challenge where each day I'm taking pictures which I'll share here.  Today's shot is "new" so you get to see the new home plans above.  More soon!

Love,

Lydia

September Gold and Grey

September has been a gold and grey kind of month.  Lots of lovely memories and good times with family, but stormy and rough around the edges.  For most of the month it still felt like summer here in Raleigh, with hot weather and the trademark humidity that goes with it.  Slowly over the last week rainy weather has given way to slightly cooler temperatures and the leaves are starting to show their first hints of gold and blush red.  A few nights ago I even had to break out the comforter, though I'm not needing it every night yet.

Meanwhile I've got so much from summer that I've been meaning to write about...and depression has been encroaching heavily.  Some may have been caused by an imbalance in some of my medications, but a good chunk has been from financial, other health, and job related stresses too.  I've been looking for a job off and on since January, with very mixed results.  I can't even comment on all of it yet, but prayers and such are always welcome since despite the normalcy most of us show the world, there's some turbulence hiding below the surface.  Though over the past few weeks I've had a very interesting painting commission fall into my lap, so I'm happy to be tackling that and sharing photos as I complete it.  One of my birthday gifts is also rather exciting....I've got a subscription to Pigment + Palette, a monthly art supply box which gets delivered to me the first week of each month and contains fantastic products from a wide variety of media.  Here's a shot of September's box contents:

A set of Bruynzeel-Sakura pencils in 2H, HB, 2B, and 7B

Lumi Inkodye in Magenta (plus a month of free dye technique classes online)

A trusty Excel #1 light duty knife (oh, the memories of using these from CCAD!)

A lovely red Fabriano EcoQua journal with dotted (almost like graph paper) that's great for sketches on the go

Plus an artist postcard from the featured artist of the month

The dye is what has me most excited, it's sunlight activated and can be used on cloth or paper.  So I could use a photographic transparency to print with or use with objects or cut paper designs similar to making a Photogram.  The options are open enough that I'm having trouble deciding.  And magenta is such a bold color that it demands just the right subject matter.

Other than all this I have another post written up on part one of a summer trip we took, which I need to add the photographs too, so October at least may get more than one solid post despite the lack of them September has had.  And I've had more adventures since, which will make for even more posts in the future.  Goodness I do have some work ahead of me!

Til next time -

Love,

Lydia

The Summer of Reading

Well folks,
I have indeed been reading the summer away.  I couldn't resist bringing a box full of books along to the beach a few weeks ago, though I only managed to get through a couple.  Even Bryan has been getting in on it all, he's been reading the graphic novel series Fables as I get caught up on some of the volumes I've missed and has introduced me the comic series Promethea as well. (I'll be starting to read that next!)

So here's the lineup of all I've read since my last post!
Fables Volumes 17 & 18, the related Cinderella Volume 2, Y The Last Man Volumes 7, 8, 9 & 10, Changeless by Gail Carriger, along with Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless by the same author, Twelve Years a Slave by Solomon Northrup, Storm Front and Fool Moon by Jim Butcher.

Fables Volumes 17 & 18 continue the storyline about the various fairy tale characters, mostly focusing on the children of one of the central couples in the series.  At one point a prophecy was made about their futures, we see 3 parts of that play out over the volumes.  The storyline in the second book leans darker than the series has run in a while, and overall I found these volumes to be quite good.  I only wish the local library had the next two volumes, but alas, they don't, so it may be a while til I get completely caught up to currently published material.

Cinderella Volume 2 is a spinoff of the Fables series.  I was pretty underwhelmed by this one.  I believe this series hasn't printed any more issues, which makes sense given it's lack of a strong storyline.  The antagonist wasn't very believable to me, which might be a personal bias, but I felt the character's actions were completely off for someone who used to be completely one of the good guys.  I wouldn't waste my time on this series knowing what I do now.

Y The Last Man Volumes 7-9 were really great additions to the series, and things were starting to come towards what could have been a very interesting ending.  Unfortunately volume 10 involved what seemed a very rushed ending that was ultimately unsatisfying to me.  A lot of the character's actions ending up being sad tropes when there was so much potential for more.  I like what happened to Yorick in the final chapter though.  However, I found myself wanting to see more of what this new world had developed into, and wish that aspect of the series had more forthcoming.

Gail Carriger's Parasol Protectorate series on the other hand, did not disappoint!  The whole series is 5 books long (I read the first, Souless, a while back before this blog existed.)  When I noticed Blameless on the library shelf I snatched it up right away.  The series is a great romp through a steampunk Victorian world where there are...yes, vampires, werewolves, and ghosts.  Plus Alexia Tarabotti, who's souless.  The books strike a good balance between adventure and a touch of romance, with lots of humor as monsters are expected to behave with impeccable manners since many are members of gentle society.  Alexia deals with married life, clockwork assassins, children who most emphatically do not want to take baths, secret orders, vampire adoptions, horrible hats, and werewolf retirements.  If this sounds at all interesting to you please, do yourself a favor and go read it!

Solomon Northrup's Twelve Years a Slave is a perfect example of why I enjoy and value reading so much.  The book chronicles the actual experiences of a man who was free and wrongfully stolen away as a slave.  Yes, there is a movie of the same title, which I have not yet seen, but it did inspire me to read the book when I spotted it on a Kindle book sale.  I have read that the story was ghost written by a white man, however I still found the story to ring true.  This is another I would recommend to people because it does what great books should do, puts you within the shoes of another individual.  It allows you to better understand how the prejudice and racism prevalent in pre-Civil War America has been twisted into what still exists in many people's thoughts today.

Finally, I also got around to reading the first two books in Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series - Storm Front and Fool Moon.  While I enjoyed these books they were definitely a bit outside my norm as they have one foot solidly in the detective genre.  The other, however, is securely in the realm of fantasy as the protagonist Harry Dresden, wizard detective for hire, goes up against magical murders and werewolves.  It's very gritty stuff, but well written, which keeps you on the edge of your seat as Harry somehow manages to stay alive through all the crazy things his enemies throw at him.  I'll continue reading this series for sure, though I'll need breaks between each book to help cope with the dark tone of it all.

Coming soon to my reading list: Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere, Scout's Honor by Henry Vogel, The Promethea graphic novel series, and a variety of selections from Bryan's brother Michael's personal library!  Michael is about to head to Jerusalem for a year where he'll be doing all kinds of exciting stuff.  I'll be keeping his books warm for him, which should prove a great change of pace as he just got his degree in English and journalism from UNC.  You can read more about his adventures at -  http://michaelchecksin.blogspot.com/

On a completely different side note, I realized lately that in many ways I have grown far more private in the last year or two.  Pretty much since I got married, but even a little bit before that while working on my masters.  I don't think it's something I intended an any way to do, but it's a trend I've seen in my life when I'm a little more isolated socially or when I'm living with people who like to be more private.  Bryan is definitely a more private person than I am, which I value, but I'm sorry when it cuts back on how much I might share all the good (and sometimes not so good) parts of my life with others.  This is part of the reason I find myself blogging less than I'd like.  Other reasons are depression, and then days when I have so many ideas that I just don't know where to start.  I end up with loads of ideas, and when I finally get the mental energy to write I find myself pouring it all out and I always have more I don't want to overwhelm people with.  So I'm going to try keeping a file of partially written posts so I can write more overall.  I've had several people asking me when I'm going to post again, and I really want to keep up with this.  Some days it's just hard for me, so I keep trying to find good solutions to make better habits with.

Thanks for reading everyone, I know know this was a long post with all these books.  If I keep up my pace with reading I'll probably end up with two book posts a month.  Before that I've got some pictures and summer experiences to share.

Love,
Lydia