Love, Lydia - Notes from a geeky, plus sized artist.: educational
Showing posts with label educational. Show all posts
Showing posts with label educational. Show all posts

Monday, October 5, 2015

Travel 101: Flights

Hi folks,

First off I want to let you all know upfront that I'm just covering domestic travel in the USA. Someday I might do an international post, I think I might have to go renew my passport before that!

Just after touching down in Salt Lake City, UT

Flights

Google

The number one way to travel distances along with being generally the most costly.  If I'm trying to plan a plane trip I always start by visiting Google's Flight Matrix.  (Originally created by a company called ITA software as an independent flight tool, meaning it's programing offers unbiased information allowing you all the facts to choose what's best for you.)  It searches all the Airlines, minus Southwest (They don't let anyone except their own site publish fare information.) and has an easy system allowing many different search options.
Search Options Include:

  • Round Trip, One Way, and Multi-City
  • Multiple Airports for each destination
  • Economy, Premium Economy, Business, and First Class flights
  • Number of Passengers
  • Number of Stops
  • Price
  • Airline
  • Time of Day
  • Flight Duration
Other cool features include a map where you can choose your departure city and hover over other cities to find interesting and unexpected deals on destinations around the world.  Though if you look internationally please know that there will be some airlines omitted from listings, similar to Southwest.

Using your own location there are prices for popular destinations further down the main page, as well as access to your two most recent searches.  Plus once you've started a search you can open a calendar and compare prices for different dates with no limits on what you can search except what airlines have published.

Flying over the city of Roanoke, VA

Southwest

If Southwest flies to and from the destinations you need I would always check their prices, they're often very close to the competition, sometimes a bit more expensive, other a bargain.  But the big draws of Southwest are free checked bags, and free changes to flights.  On the other hand all their planes have narrow seats, only 17" in width, and they have at times been discriminatory towards larger customers (though after a few well publicized events this now happens much less frequently).

Seat Guru

SeatGuru is the third website I might turn to while planning.  Once you've narrowed down your flight options it can help you choose between similar flights if being comfortable is one of your concerns.  You can input information for each flight you're evaluating and see a map of the plane, measurements for the seats and legroom too.

If you're like me and larger sized you may even want to start with SeatGuru to figure out which airlines you prefer.  The seat sizes and pitch of the seats (legroom) vary by the model of plane and each particular airline.  There are comparison charts organized by short and long haul flights and ticket class.  They also list amenities such as video screens (including type whether it's overhead, seat back, or on-demand), if laptop power is available and whether it's AC or DC current, and if there's WiFi available.  And you can sort the chart by whichever category is important to you.  

Leaving Atlanta, GA, Delta's hub city.

Other Tidbits

Beyond the three resources above note that flying on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday will get you the cheapest ticket.  Additionally book 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 months in advance of your trip usually yields the best price on fare.  The only exception is the week before and after Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.  Around those holidays it's best to get the flight 3-4 months in advance because they fill up faster.

I should note that I no longer book on sites like Orbitz, Priceline, or Travelocity.  They sell third party bookings and your flight isn't 100% guaranteed because if they're overbooked you will be the first to be cut and put on standby.  No one wants that!  So I check the prices on Google and Southwest, and buy directly from the airline when I know which flight I want.

If you think you might be spending some time in an airport for a layover or as you wait for your initial flight you may want to research the airport in advance.  It may make the choice for you if there are several layover airports to choose from and one airport is particularly pleasant when the other choice is in need of updating.  I look for three things when I visit an airport website:
  1. Free WiFi, you really want then to have this if you'll be stuck there for 4 hours, if not bring a good book.
  2. A map of the airport, if it's a larger airport you may even want to have a printed map handy.  Knowing how to get from terminal A over the D might be further than you think!
  3. Know what food is there.  If you need to eat in an airport it's nice to know how many or few options there may be.  Some airports are delightful, and some just sad.  I like knowing in advance so I can choose something that's healthier or that will hit the spot after a long day.

Finally on the day of my flight I like to make sure I have a change of clothes in my carry on if I have a checked bag, just in case luggage gets lost.  I try to print my ticket in advance if possible, or allow plenty of time to be in line to print it at the airport and check any bags.  Do you think I left something out?  Let me know in the comments!

Love,
Lydia

Friday, September 18, 2015

All About Color

Hi friends,

Today I have a couple of outfits to share, plus I wanted to talk a bit about color.

Pantone's Fall 2015 Colors


Pantone, a design company whose work revolves around color releases apparel color trend reports for each season.  And I wanted to show you all the one they created for fall.  They call it Fall 2015's "An Evolving Color Landscape"  They basically try to predict what colors will be popular in a given season, and honestly at this point they are some of the people who are setting the color trends because they're so widely viewed.  Over the last few seasons Pantone has noted a trend for men's and women's clothing to use the same color palette, meaning that sometimes colors don't have to feel feminine or masculine because they're using more muted colors overall.

I think it's interesting to look at what they choose and compare it to the colors I wear and also look at it in light of various skintones.  For example, I'm a cool skin tone, my skin has a lot of pinks and blue shades in it so I tend to wear cool or neutral colored clothing.  Those with warmer skin tones have yellow, tan and rich brown shades, some folks are more in the middle with no obvious yellow or blue tones, but they might have olive or green undertones and they can wear many colors well with their base being in neutrals most often.  You can check by looking at the veins on your wrist what you skin tone might be, and you can find out more about this on Pinterest too by searching cool, warm or neutral tone clothing colors.


Personally I can't wear all the colors on this wheel, and maybe you can't either, it depends on skintone as we discussed above.  My personal favorites are 3 Amethyst Orchid and 6 Biscay Bay.  However the ones I definitely can't wear are 9 Oak Buff and 10 Cadmium Orange.  They're very warm and are shades it's hard to influence with surrounding colors to look cool.  Because yes, you can surround one color with another and the lesser color will seem to change in appearance because of what it's next to.  In fact, 7 Desert Sage is the perfect example of this.  Let's take a look:


Reflecting Pond makes Desert sage look nice and cool as it we were preparing for a storm, now let's make it look warm.


Well look at that, now that Desert Sage resembles nice warm sand when it's put beside Cadmium Orange.  Color is magical you guys!  Want to have your mind blown again?  Scroll back up to the color palette.  The text describing each word looks like it's the same color shown in the big circles right?  Nope, it's actually the color shown in the smaller circle, a darkened version of the real color that I made because the white background changes how we perceive small amounts of color on a mainly white background.  The text color works the same way as the small squares of the Desert Sage do.  Because you're only seeing a small amount of color it's influenced by the main color taking up so much more space.  So if you want to make a neutral look warmer or cooler just pair it off with A brighter color, B a greater amount of that bright color, and C if you can place the neutral in the middle of the brighter color rather than at the edge of it.  All of these will help change your neutrals into colors that you can make look just a bit different when you need a "new" look from old clothes.

Hopefully you all enjoyed this, and if you'd like to learn more about how to manipulate and pair colors let me know in the comments and I may come back to this subject again soon.  I really love talking about color, and when I went to art school we spent a year in one class completed devoted to learning to use color in ways like this.  I'd love to share more with you all.

And Now the Outfits!


Tunic - Isabel+Alice/Gwynnie Bee, Necklace - The Rafiki Foundation, Leggings - Target, Flats - Torrid


 The Rafiki Foundation is a Christian organization that works in Africa providing homes, medical  and educational services to orphans, training to teachers, and helps widows in the community learn various crafts to support themselves.  Their end goal is training communities for a better standard of living that's sustainable and entirely run by the community members themselves.  The widows there make jewelry, bags, clothing, baskets, and home items and then teach others what they've learned.  I heard of them through the church my family went to when I was growing up and love how passionate they are for the work they are doing.

Tunic - Isabel+Alice/Gwynnie Bee, Necklace - The Rafiki Foundation, Jeans - Lane Bryant, Boots - Trendsetter/Hushpuppies 
I'm reading one of the selections for Fight or Flight Comics (My local comic book store! Raleigh, NC) "Word Balloons" discussion group.  Bryan snapped this shot of me last week when we stopped by the store, and tomorrow we'll me up for the discussion group.  I'll tell you all about what I think of the 3 books we're reading by reviewing them next week!
Finally a nice cool day with perfect coffee drinking, flannel wearing weather!  Mug - Mesa Verde National Park, Flannel Shirt - Walmart, Doctor Who/Harry Potter Tee - Once Upon a Tee, Jeans - Lane Bryant, Flats - Torrid
I really love that mug, I got it when my friend Holly and I were on a road trip and visited Mesa Verde National Park.  The designs are from Mimbres tribal designs that originate from the cliff dwellers that used to live at the Mesa Verde site.  You can get a better look at it here◊, I have the one with the quail design, but they're all really lovely!  I had just been studying Mimbres and other Native American pottery the semester before our trip, so I was thrilled to find a keepsake with one of the designs on it.

Top - Forever 21, Necklace - Forever 21, Shorts, Levis/Amazon, Flats - Torrid



9th Doctor Dress - Her Universe, Leggings Target, Boots Trendstter
And lastly here's a peek into my bedroom.  My husband was sweet enough to let me get this big shoe rack so I could store my shoes more easily.  I love having them all visible and it allowed my to go through them all one final time and everything else is going to be donated or sold!  I'm so glad, I was hanging on to shoes I had from 15 years ago, and shoes that didn't even fit me well.  Speaking of things selling my Thred Up order was processed and if you'd like to see the items they accepted (about 1/2-2/3 of what I sent) you can have a peek here and maybe even catch a sale if you like what you see.  (Thred Up is an online consignment shop to buy and sell clothes from, you can get $20 off your first purchase from this link if you want to check them out)  I found that the good stuff goes fast, and you can hold items in your cart for up to a day (thought admins may remove them in some cases).  So you can put some things in your cart that you like, do something in another window, and reload the first page of new items and find new things every 10-15 minutes.  This works especially well if you shop in the evening.  And since I had some credit I did buy a couple of things!  I'm nervous to see how they work out, but will let you know.  Let me know what you think.



Let me know what you think of this batch of Pantone colors in the comments.  Anyhow, that's all for today ladies and gentlemen, thanks for stopping by, and I will see you next week!

Love,
Lydia

Friday, September 11, 2015

First Fall Outfits

Hi again friends!


This week I'm highlighting some of my first outfits from fall as I start getting used to my new capsule wardrobe.  Ready?  Let's go!

Shirt - Target, Shorts Levis/Amazon, Flip Flips - Old Navy
Day one of my fall wardrobe had me dealing with temperatures over 90F.  Most of the past two weeks have been like that with a couple days in the 80s.  I'm looking forward to next week when it'll be in the 70s and I can wear jeans a bit more.  I miss the cool weather here in North Carolina, I think the climate in Columbus, Ohio where I attended college was just right.  But I'm here and I'm learning to love summer clothes and light layers most of the year.  It's no Florida, but I'm pretty sure I'd be dead fast in Florida between the heat and all the sunburn I'd end up with after 15 minutes outside.

Oh look it's that Thred Up bag!  Stuffed full as I could get it, I'll soon know what they took and what they didn't.

Top - Forever 21, Shorts - Levis/Amazon, Boots - Trendsetter/Hushpuppies
I'm officially in love with these boots!  I'm pretty sure they can be worn with almost everything I own and dressed up or down accordingly.  Plus Bryan likes them too, so that makes me happy.

Top - Target, Necklace - Pick Your Plum, Skirt Target, Boots - Trendsetter/Hushpuppies

This is my outfit from this past Sunday when we went to hear Michael speak about his time in Jerusalem.
Top - T. La/Anthropologie, Necklace - Fossil/Macy's, Shorts - Levis/Amazon, Sandals - HG Bass/Modcloth


My hair had finally faded enough that it was time to give it some new color, so I did!  I bleached the roots and used Manic Panic After Midnight Blue (my favorite shade!), Arctic Fox Purple Dream, and some Manic Panic Purple Haze (not around the face, so it's less visible in these shots).  I was trying out the Arctic Fox for the first time and really liked the color, it's a nice grape shade of purple and the dye even smelled like grapes.  If it lasts well enough I may keep using it for purple, since I'm not as big a fan if the Manic Panic shades I've tried (Purple Haze, and Mystic Heather).

Shirt - Switchfoot, Scarf - a Keffiyeh from Palestine, Jeans - Torrid, Flip flops - Old Navy
So Michael brought us back some fantastic gifts from his time abroad and I'm very excited to share this Palestinian Keffiyeh with you readers.  The Keffiyeh (pronounced kuh-fee-yuh, and spelled many other ways) is a symbol of the Palestinian Nationalism movement.  (You can go here to learn more about the keffiyeh or here if you want to buy one from Hirbawi, the only manufacturer left in Palestine!)  It's been associated with the long history of the Middle East in general as what farmers and everyday people would wear to cover their heads as they worked and went about their day.  It's also linked to the Palestinian Liberation Organizer Yasser Arafat, and more recently has been appropriated in western culture as something that just looks cool or is linked with terrorism.  It's kind of funny since the patterns on the scarf are thought to have come from fishing nets or heads of grain.  So I wear the Keffiyeh as a statement of solidarity for the many Palestinians who have lived peaceful lives in refugee camps for over 50 years, just hoping to have a place they can see their children grow up freely, and one day have a country of their own.  I also think the Israelis have it tough too, with terrorist bombers on their doorstep, but neither side is necessarily good or bad.  Peace and renewed hope are my prayer for them all.

Top - Old Navy, Bracelet - Cornerstone Festival 2004, Shorts - Levis/Amazon, Shoes - Toms
 And finally I'm playing around with the camera a bit for today's look.  I work from home most days, so I've been trying to change up where I take my photos if I can remember to/aren't too busy.



So those are my outfits, otherwise I've been busy this week adding to the features of my blog:

  1. New contact page
  2. More listings for Ethical Plus Size Retailers (Now the BIGGEST online!)
  3. A new banner
  4. Better right sidebar tools
  5. I'm now a member of The Rising Tide Society!
The Rising Tide Society is a great group of small business owners (bloggers, photographers, shop owners, and more) whose core principles are:
- Community Building over Self-Promotion
- Compassion for your fellow Creatives
- Purpose over Popularity, Quality over Quantity
- Camaraderie over Divisiveness


I'm loving getting to know them all and be a part of the community there.  They even have a monthly event called Tuesdays Together to meet and discuss different subjects.  Hopefully I'll make it out to next months!  That's all for this week, I'll see you all again soon.

Love,
Lydia

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Rereading YA Fiction

Hi everyone,

I've got to the part of my reviews where I started rereading books I've owned and loved when I was younger.  Honestly I still love them, despite their young adult designation.

Young Adult Books Round Two

My two favorite books in my preteen years were Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine and Wren to the Rescue by Sherwood Smith.  I think Wren to the Rescue and many books about fairies were what began to interest me in fantasy books.  With Ella Enchanted I think I was 14 when I first read it, and it was an easy read, but I loved it so much I had to immediately read it again before returning it to the library.   Something I'd never done before with any book.  Ella (an adapted Cinderella figure) is spunky and at times obstinate as she fights her curse.   It's been a little while since I read Ella Enchanted, but I still read it every few years.  All the books below fall into the category of books that are great for advanced readers in 3-6th grade on up, though they're generally classified as "middle grades" level.

The Two Princesses of Bamarre by Gail Carson Levine -

A pair of sister princesses, a mysterious illness, fairies, a young wizard, and an epic quest are fairly average fantasy subjects.  But Levine writes renewed fairy tales and her own fantasies masterfully adding wonderful humor, and strong female characters that make great role models for young readers.  Characters also work to overcome their personal fears and weaknesses, with all problems being resolved neatly by the end of the book.

 Wild MagicWolf Speaker, and Emperor Mage by Tamora Pierce - 

are the first three books featuring the character Daine, a young girl with wild magic.  Pierce's books have a much more fleshed out magical system and characters that appear in one book often make cameos in others too.  Daine has some interesting quirks, her wild magic is much stronger than in others who might have it, and those who do have it are an oddity in her world or specialize in one area, taking care of horses for instance.  But Daine's power goes beyond all that and her family origins are mysterious.  Throughout the series we see her grow into her powers and encounter new enemies as her new home is thrown into chaos with various immortals being unleashed from a realm they've been confined to for generations.  The books have both adventure and quest elements as well as mystery solving in a swords and sorcery world created for teen and preteen readers.

Wren to the Rescue by Sherwood Smith - 

Has all the coming of age story hallmarks, orphans, a princess, sorcerers in training, and evil wizard kidnappings.  But it uses the familiar story line to introduce great characters and concepts that help shape young adults.  We see a woman with ambiguous morality and learn that people don't start out good or evil necessarily, but can be taught morals along the way.  The heroine and her best friend continue their relationship despite changes in status and new friends join them.  This book is the start of a series with the original trilogy available in both print and ebook, and the 4th book, written a bit later only as ebook.  The whole series is worth reading, and get a bit more serious in tone as they go on, but this first book is very lighthearted and would be a perfect introduction to fantasy books for young readers.  I have an 8 year old cousin who is about ready for it in fact.  The great part about Smith is she has also written books for teen and adult readers, so her books are perfect to grow up with.


Thanks for joining me, I'll be back with a full report on my capsule wardrobe Friday and more book reviews next week.

Love,
Lydia

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Making My Second Capsule Wardrobe

Hi folks,

So this week I've been putting together my capsule wardrobe for fall.  This has mostly involved going through my clothes that I wasn't sure about, or hadn't unpacked in a long time.  I think all said and done I have kept about 1/3 of all the clothing I originally had before moving in May.  Mostly that's consisted of things that just didn't fit right or I didn't like as much as I thought.  Back in June I sent off two boxes of clothes to Goodwill.  Now I have this sitting in my bedroom:


The basket contents are the more visibly worn items, headed to Goodwill, the small box is all shoes in good condition, and the bog box is all the nicer clothes.  The nicer things and shoes will be sent off to Thred Up, an online consignment store I think I've mentioned before.  They give you a bag to mail your items to them, they buy the best of them, and you can buy new clothing with the credit. They only take items that are on trend an in like new condition, which hopefully will get me a good amount of credit towards pieces I might need in my winter and spring capsules.  This is my first time using their site, though I've done some browsing and really like many items I've seen for sale.  If you'd like to check them out you can use the link above to get $20 off your first order!

Tuesday is when I'm aiming to have my fall wardrobe fully picked out and ready to wear, then I'll be sharing more with you all about it next week.  I've be spending the past few days trying to photograph what I'm keeping or find better photos online so when I compile everything people can understand all the little details.

I wanted to show you what process I've been using beyond simply trying everything and tossing whatever doesn't fit.  I found this tool at Unfancy to help plan a wardrobe, and I've been using it to help me as I progress to choosing my items to include for fall.  I feel like fall is a lot harder to plan for since weather can be so different from early Septembers 90 degree weather to late November when I could be cold enough for snow (though it's very uncommon to get snow it's no usual to be that cold).  However, we won't get the true bite of winter until further into the season, so I'm leaning towards not including my wool coat, but having more flexible layering pieces and my lighter weight jacket instead.  Here's a peek at my planner sheets so you can get a feel for how it works:





Of my summer capsule I should note that I never wore these items:
 

I actually really like all three items, but didn't find as many occasions for wearing them since they're more formal.  I don't think I'm going to pass them on yet, though I'm debating about the dress.  I also had several items I didn't wear much and plan to cycle out (geometric top, and black tank with sheer details.  You can read about my first capsule for summer 2015 here and see all of what I picked.




The color scheme above is tentative, but quite likely what I will go with.  I'm at the stage now where I'm starting to pull my pieces and hang them together in my closet to see how the colors and styles work together.  I want to make sure the pieces are versatile for combining and not too many prints vs solid items.

When I made my first capsule I didn't know there was a planner, so I just looked at what other people were doing and came up with a list of how many of each piece I might need.  This worked fairly well as a simple way of planning, and I used that as my way of approximating in my planner above too.

This time around I've also included a flex item, which is something I didn't officially do before.  It might end up being the colored jeans as I get further into fall if I can find a pair and for now I may add an extra summer shirt since 8 hot weather appropriate tops makes it harder to have a little leeway between laundry days.  I know this will also be something that will change the feel of my capsule since I will be more limited in selection at first than I was during the summer capsule.  Additionally I am not including accessories like bags or scarves in my capsule, though I aim to have 3 of each that will work with the capsule selections, and will likely limit myself to those.

It's a lot to think about, but a couple days of thought means I'll have a solid set of clothing to choose from and have a lot less fuss later.   Honestly I think I'm spending more time now than I will in the future because it's still my first year planning capsule wardrobes, and until I've been through all the seasons I won't really know how things will go.  And the largest chunks of my time are sorting things since I'd been procrastinating about that, and then documenting it all so I have images I usable for my blog.  Fall will be much more minimalist than summer though, and as I sort through things I imagine I'll be sending even more away than I thought.  I can't wait to see how much space I'll have free when I'm done though!

Please let me know if you have any thoughts about my choices or advice to share in the comments below.  I'll see you again Monday!

Love,
Lydia

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Reasons Why I Blog

Hey folks,

So I was asked this question recently, "what's your blog for", and it got me thinking.  I've been able to write my thoughts online for a long time, first via a very old Tripod website, then on Live Journal and now here.  Being able to write out my thoughts has been something that's been very healthy for me mentally and a great aid to thinking through whatever I might be going through in life.  As an introvert I find it especially helpful because I end up energized after making my thoughts more clean and dedicating them to a file or written page, rather than rolling around in my head.  It's helped me when I'm in some of my deeper bouts with depression as it allowed me to pour out my worries, share my fears, and simply let people know what's going on in my life, even when it's not happy stuff.

Sometimes it's easier to write out my thoughts than say them to another person because I can be more articulate and can talk to many people at once without wearying myself as I would if I tried to do the same thing in person!  And even when I didn't write online (in college mostly), I wrote in a notebook often, and am still in the habit of carrying a little notebook with me.  I don't think my cell phone note taking will ever replace it.  Especially knowing I'll be able to remember things better when I write by hand since it engages more parts of the brain at once, making better memories of what was written.

However this blog started as a way to document and share art processes as I was trying to get a Kickstarter campaign going to fund a body of artwork.  It failed to work out, but the blog stuck, and I've slowly changed it from talking about art to more of my life.  I realized some friends I don't talk to as often and even my family members now that we live further away from each other like hearing what's happening in my life, and this blog filled that need.  It's become more multimedia over time, and in some ways becomes its own art form, since writing is after all just another of the arts.

Now this blog is also about ways of sharing my interests i.e. books, fashion, travel, and social issues.  Something like a plus size capsule wardrobe is unique enough that I might even get to help some people as the make their own, similarly ethical fashion in plus size is hard to find too.  And then I might go make a DIY chalkboard tutorial or post a family recipe for chili .  It makes for very eclectic reading, but those of you who have met me know just how that word suits me.  I hope I strike a balance that keeps you all interested, you're welcome to holler at me if you want more of something I haven't mentioned in a while too!  Overall I sincerely hope my many interests will be a good influence on my readers and help me meet others from a variety of backgrounds too.

In some way blogging is like a having a superpower.  I'm just starting to realize how powerful it can be, which is both odd and enlightening to someone who'd not used to seeking the spotlight actively for most of her life.  I'm not even sure I'm seeking it now, at least not so much for myself.  Because, here's the thing, friends, if I ever become that loud annoying person I would hate myself.  I just want to start some conversations and share what knowledge I have that might be useful.  So my superpower is hopefully one I can share with all of you as I open up a safe place for discussion and help bring in wonderful individuals to engage with.



And for now I'll just keep writing and trying to remember that "With great power there must also come great responsibility" (Stan Lee).  The responsibility to write regularly and continue overcoming the depression that tells me to do otherwise.  So Wednesday I'll be back again, and hope you'll join me.  Til then!

Love,
Lydia

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Reasons I Can't Do What I Want

Hey everyone,
So, I've been working on this post for a while.  I want to talk a bit about depression and how it's affected me over the years.  Also it allows me to share the talents and insights from others on this subject, all of which are much more eloquent than my own.  This is also going to be a long post, and sparse in the way of images, but hang in there with me.  It's worth it, I promise.

For me I first dealt with depression around when I graduated from high school.  Part of what caused it may have been related to a bad first breakup, but I think some of it might have happened due to family predisposition as well.  There's not a lot of way to know yet medically speaking.  Scientists are coming closer and closer to figuring why and how we become depressed, but there are still a lot of questions to be answered.

My first experience with depression was honestly pretty severe.  I wish I could say I'd gotten proper help with it, and told family, but I didn't.  I had no awareness of the family tendencies til much more recently, and having met the counselor someone I knew had seen, I felt their methods weren't worth my time.  And I thought all those in counseling were probably like that, or at least most.  The one thing I did right in all that time was hold onto my friends, and tell a handful of the closest ones my fears.  To this day I am thankful for the 17-19 years olds who kept me sane in my darkest hours, you all know who you are.  After most of a year where I little appetite and faked being ok to everyone around me while wanted to sleep all day and couldn't sleep at night I started to get better.  My whole life was getting better and my depression moved on with it for the most part.  Occasionally I'd still have a bad day here and there.

When I had a second bout in college I had a better handle on myself and got counseling, which did help some.  Learning to deal with it, using my faith and other ways of coping made things more livable.  Since that point I've had bad days off and on in small and sometimes larger amounts.  Today for example is not one of my better days.  But it's not exactly bad either.  I wanted to go back to bed all morning, or go sit someplace dark by myself for hours.  I withdraw at my worst times, sometimes that includes being emotional, sometimes it's numb, or simply very negative.  But I deal, and have found that part of the reason I may have more bad days in recent years may be connected to my thyroid problem.  This and other medical conditions can influence depression.  But I still kept working, going to school, and trying to be normal.  However, it can take time to get better and on days where I needed it I always felt guilty, because depression isn't a socially acceptable excuse for many things, like taking a day off from work when you're feeling terrible.  (Article in the link discussing this more in depth)

Some of you may already be familiar with the work of the internet famous Allie Brosh.  She makes marvelous cartoons about Alots and doing ALL THE THINGS! You can find them here if you want to check them out.  Her later comics deal with depression and her own personal experiences with it.  While my experiences are not exactly the same I can certainly relate and find that the way she writes about it can help people who've never personally experienced depression connect with some of the feelings that can be associated and behaviors that are common when dealing with the disease.  If you want to know more about what depression is like I recommend checking out her work.

If you want a more interactive approach then check out http://www.depressionquest.com/ It's a game (very simple to play!)  That shows just how limiting it can be to have depression.  If you wonder why some folks don't get treatment, this might help you understand why (aside from some of the socio-economic reasons or affordability and stigma surrounding the disease that still lingers).

Almost done now guys, I promise.  Two things left.  First in case you're still wondering, depression isn't made up.  Mostly people you meet who talk about it aren't looking for attention, few are, admitting to it means admitting you're weak, broken, etc.  At least culturally that's what we hear often.  However more and more we're finding that depression is physical and can even be related to the bacteria you happen to have living in your gut which can alter your health aiding and even causing Autism, Crohn's disease, depression, obesity, Parkinson's disease, and ADHD as well as other ailments.

I find some days hard to deal with, sure I want to write lots of great blog posts, make amazing art, and be a perfect wife with a lovely home and garden.  The impossibility of all those things at once should be absurdly obvious to you folks, but I know some people manage to accomplish some form of this that on the outside looks amazing.  You probably have some in your Facebook feed, showing off gorgeous slices of their own lives.  On the flip side of things depression often makes our failures, even small ones seem huge, and the admirable goals we set to be beautifully functioning human beings with time and motivation to do all we believe in....well it's a high standard when you just want to crawl into a dark closet.

I leave you guys with this incredible poem by my friend and brother DJ.
Love,
Lydia  













Oh, you want to get out of bed?
Well that’s gonna run ya ‘bout 3 nightmares,
a fear of that noise outside the door
and the crippling anxiety of another jobless
loveless
lifeless
day.

AND you want to get dressed?
Well first, let’s sift through yesterday.
And I’m not even talking about the yellow brick road
of clothes piled up from your bed to your door.
I mean that thing you said
at 2:08 PM
to that girl you’ve been texting
how you agonized for hours
thinking you scared her away
(too).
That shit didn’t even send.

Speaking of sending,
I see you want to make plans.
Well plans
are for people in the light.
Plans are for folks with open doors
and your deadbolts rusted
before you even realized you had them.
I’m not locked in here with you.
You’re locked in here with me.
I put on the inkblots
and you tell me who you see running away in them today.
And your friends?
What friends?

Oh,
you mean the pillars.
The people you lean on until they break.
Don’t you see that everyone you love runs away from you?
What does that say about love
and what does that say about you?
Love is a freeway that avoids me
and everything is a mountaintop,
thick forest,
broken GPS.

Are you hungry now?
Good. 
There’s nothing you could pay me to say
that you deserve food today.
I’ll make everything taste like asphalt
in the south
in the summer.
I’ll burn you with the only thing you thought would never judge you.

And yes, they are judging you.
They see you fumbling with your socks.
They see the holes in the wall,
the tokens of my ritual.
Everyone is fine.
No one is suffering.
This is all in your head.
Now fuck you,
pay me.

Want to go

anywhere?
How many auditory hallucinations
are you willing to pay me in?
How many flashing lights will you mistake for the cops?
How many times will you look at the shoulder
and imagine your car wrapped around the median,
barricade in your chest 
giving you the only hug I’ll let you believe?
And what are you doing now that you’re there?
Watching the entire room.
The cost of going out is taking the whole world in.
You are not wall flower.
How dare you compare yourself to something so beautiful on my watch.
I am not in your mind. I
am
your
mind
and you will give me what I’m owned or

well, there is no else.
Turn every day into your deepest fear
or you don’t have a day at all.
Stop
full stop
every time.
Give me my flesh.
Cut it out of your wrist. 
The payment for survival
is just that -
no living, no being, no enjoying.
Survive. Persist. Exist.
Subsist. Persevere. Extinguish.
Subhuman. Purloined. Excised.
Cut.
Cut.
This is the excise for the end of the day.

You pay to wake up
and pay to sleep
in blood.
In ashes.
In the splinters of the bridges of the day.
Don’t call anyone.
They don’t want to hear from you.
I am your best friend now
and we
are going to be immortal together.
That project
won’t make you live forever.
The obituary will

and you thought I was done bleeding you dry?
Run your shit
because death will cost you everything.
Who will you tell?
Your parents don’t believe you
your siblings need you strong
and your friends?
We’ve been over that.
Your friends will never know.
We’re going to have a going away party for two.
I’ll bring the rope
you bring the bleach
and when they ask what’s wrong
from the good side of a hospital bed
the better side of a casket
tell the truth.
See how they feel 
about depression
taking a toll on you.