Love, Lydia - Notes from a geeky, plus sized artist.: A Bit of Reflection

Friday, January 23, 2015

A Bit of Reflection

Hi everyone,

So, I know it hasn't been long, but that's exactly what I was hoping for as I work towards making good habit in writing and life in general.  Here goes.

One of the things on my mind lately has been having kids.  Frankly a lot of my thoughts stemmed from contemplation of a couple posts here on Feathers in Our Nest.  Aliesha talks about how she's having another wonderful baby join her family, but knows that can be hard to hear for some folks, and writes about the loss she has experienced herself.  And it's fantastic to hear more and more bloggers be open about their experiences surrounding having and attempting to conceive children.

I know, a bunch of you out there are probably wondering why after two years a couple like Bryan and I haven't produced progeny yet.  Well, we'd love to.  In fact it's been one of our goals for quite a while, but it just hasn't happened for us so far.  And why is a good question I suppose.  We haven't found much in the way of medical reasons, and after 20 months of trying we're still in the testing phase.  We're not really looking for advice, but it's something that we know people will want to give us if the subject comes up because the natural response is to try to help in any way.  However, we're healthy and blessed to have our needs provided for enough we can support kids if we chose to have them or eventually adopt if it comes to that.

And for now we're buying a house, I'll be starting a garden, continuing to build my business, exploring, creating, and developing all kinds of wonderful things.  And I don't want to take any of this time to ourselves for granted, and as introverts we value it.  So I want to use my time wisely.

When I was in high school I wanted nothing more than to get married and have kids, babysitting and childcare were what I was good at.  I didn't really want to go to college, thinking my family couldn't afford it anyway.  Sure I had other goals, writing a book, making music, reading all the books I could get my hands on, and traveling too.  Then after a little while working I realized I could at least try a bit of college at the local community college.  And things changed, I didn't find the right person to marry right away, I fell in love with photography, painting, and Ireland first.



And when the time was just right I met Bryan, who knew he wanted to settle down and have a family; I was 27, things were good.  For now we're building a home (literally!) that we hope to raise our family in.  Some days it's still depressing for my own part, but I don't ever tire of seeing all those who are happy with kids and babies of their own.  I only get tired of having to answer the same questions about myself because I can't give the happy answer people are wishing for.  On the bad days I take it personally, as if there's something wrong in the depths of me.  But there are more than enough who need love in this world to go around, and I'll give it to whoever I'm blessed with.  And I wouldn't change a thing about my life so far, even if it's not what I expected.

Love,
Lydia

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