The Capsule Wardrobe AKA Fashionyface Things

Hey folks,

So on the good side of things when I tend to stay busy I'm also better able to hold depression at bay.  That's for reasons from being more social, to feeling useful, all the way to simply not having as much time to think and reflect on things.  Over the past few months I've stayed fairly busy and the past couple weeks have been no exception.  I've put together my capsule wardrobe, which comes to a total of 35 pieces.  I found that once I took a good long look at my clothes it wasn't too tough.  I set aside some of my clothes for different seasons by grouping by colors to a certain extent.  So I have 3-4 pieces set aside for spring, about 16 for fall, and around 8 for winter.  Plus I haven't bothered to purge a lot of my winter things just yet so I'm sure I'll add to that number. I've managed to go through most other items in my closet and will try selling a bunch of shoes on either Ebay or Poshmark perhaps.  If anyone has experience with Poshmark let me know what you think if them as I just heard of them and want to hear some reviews.

Now that I've cleared out my closet, on the the Summer 2015 Capsule wardrobe!

So now it's on with the clothes!  Let me know if you want more information, for now I'm sticking with where I got items and a quick descriptor.  I'm happy to provide more info!  I love discussing places to find adorable outfits when I get the chance too so I'd love to hear what some of my reader's favorites are as well.  Let me know what places you love in the comments.

1 -  Serenity Mosaica (Firefly/Serenity) tshirt from Neatoshop
2 - Lace trim cami, Kmart
3 - Ruffled swing top, Anthropologie
4 - Tank with chiffon inset, Catos
5 - Balloon print top, Macy's
6 - Rolled sleeve dolman tshirt, Catos
7 - Striped hi-low top, Anthropologie
8 - Geometric print cami, City Chic
9 - Orange Islands (Pokemon) Tshirt from Neatoshop
10 - Eiffel tower print crop top, Catos
11 - Bubble hem cami, City Chic
12 - Henley tank, Anthropologie
13 - Bubble hem cami, City Chic (I have this top in 4 colors because I caught a great sale and love how comfortable it feels!  I'm saving the purple one for fall as well as a black and white striped one.)
14 - Contrast strap lace front tank, Maurices
15 - Floral print button down, Anthropologie
16 - Lace back hoodie, Target

17 - Zip vent, studded pocket ankle jeans, Torrid
18 - Skinny jeans, Torrid
19 - Roll tab pants, Macy's
20 - Lace maxi skirt, Torrid
21 - Striped terry skirt, Catos
22 - Gauze maxi skirt, Old Navy
23 - Linen drawstring shorts, Lane Bryant
24 - Levis cut off shorts, Modcloth
25 - Levis dark wash, rolled hem shorts, Amazon
26 - Heart print sundress, City Chic
27 - Levis light wash, rolled hem shorts, Amazon
28 - Colored denim rolled hem shorts, Lane Bryant
29 - The Story of Citrus dress, Modcloth
30 - Gallery Cafe sandal, Modcloth
31 - Paisley wedge flip flops (girls size 5=7 womens), Old Navy
32 - Floral print flats, Payless
33 - Corner Bistro sandal, Modcloth
34 - Lauren navy and straw wedge, Macy's
35 - Converse ruffle tongue sneakers (girls size 5), Macy's

I feel pretty great about it all and over the course of this month I've not felt limited at all!  So far items I haven't worn are 2, 4, 10, 20, 22, 29, and 34.  And in the case of 4 & 10 it's because I pulled them out of a box later in unpacking....because I still have some clothes left to unpack.  >.<  Not much though.  I don't have a lot of occasions to wear skirts and dresses in the summer, but I want to wear skirts a bit more often for fun.  I wore the sundress on father's day at least, and the striped skirt out to the movies last Sunday.  I know I also have a couple skirts and dresses left to unpack, so perhaps I'll have more to wear in that department soon!  Also I'll probably incorporate my purses and scarves into my next season's capsule.  Right now I've been using this little shoulder bag all the time, though I have several others too.  (lip balm shown for scale!)

Other than all that I also got a bit of a makeover this month with a nice short haircut for summer.

I've been trying to decide what color I'll do next since last time I did this lovely color transition.

So, this post is completely vain...but not in vain I hope?  haha  Ok, no more puns....
Really though I'll be back soon to show a bit more of our home to you so you all can see what I've been working on.  Also it's past time for a good book review post.  And I've been gardening and trying new recipes too!  Having a kitchen with a working sink is such a blessing after spending the last month at the rental without one.  And having space to cook....it's simply amazing!  I can't wait to share all of it with you.  Til next time!

Love,
Lydia

Reasons I Can't Do What I Want

Hey everyone,
So, I've been working on this post for a while.  I want to talk a bit about depression and how it's affected me over the years.  Also it allows me to share the talents and insights from others on this subject, all of which are much more eloquent than my own.  This is also going to be a long post, and sparse in the way of images, but hang in there with me.  It's worth it, I promise.

For me I first dealt with depression around when I graduated from high school.  Part of what caused it may have been related to a bad first breakup, but I think some of it might have happened due to family predisposition as well.  There's not a lot of way to know yet medically speaking.  Scientists are coming closer and closer to figuring why and how we become depressed, but there are still a lot of questions to be answered.

My first experience with depression was honestly pretty severe.  I wish I could say I'd gotten proper help with it, and told family, but I didn't.  I had no awareness of the family tendencies til much more recently, and having met the counselor someone I knew had seen, I felt their methods weren't worth my time.  And I thought all those in counseling were probably like that, or at least most.  The one thing I did right in all that time was hold onto my friends, and tell a handful of the closest ones my fears.  To this day I am thankful for the 17-19 years olds who kept me sane in my darkest hours, you all know who you are.  After most of a year where I little appetite and faked being ok to everyone around me while wanted to sleep all day and couldn't sleep at night I started to get better.  My whole life was getting better and my depression moved on with it for the most part.  Occasionally I'd still have a bad day here and there.

When I had a second bout in college I had a better handle on myself and got counseling, which did help some.  Learning to deal with it, using my faith and other ways of coping made things more livable.  Since that point I've had bad days off and on in small and sometimes larger amounts.  Today for example is not one of my better days.  But it's not exactly bad either.  I wanted to go back to bed all morning, or go sit someplace dark by myself for hours.  I withdraw at my worst times, sometimes that includes being emotional, sometimes it's numb, or simply very negative.  But I deal, and have found that part of the reason I may have more bad days in recent years may be connected to my thyroid problem.  This and other medical conditions can influence depression.  But I still kept working, going to school, and trying to be normal.  However, it can take time to get better and on days where I needed it I always felt guilty, because depression isn't a socially acceptable excuse for many things, like taking a day off from work when you're feeling terrible.  (Article in the link discussing this more in depth)

Some of you may already be familiar with the work of the internet famous Allie Brosh.  She makes marvelous cartoons about Alots and doing ALL THE THINGS! You can find them here if you want to check them out.  Her later comics deal with depression and her own personal experiences with it.  While my experiences are not exactly the same I can certainly relate and find that the way she writes about it can help people who've never personally experienced depression connect with some of the feelings that can be associated and behaviors that are common when dealing with the disease.  If you want to know more about what depression is like I recommend checking out her work.

If you want a more interactive approach then check out http://www.depressionquest.com/ It's a game (very simple to play!)  That shows just how limiting it can be to have depression.  If you wonder why some folks don't get treatment, this might help you understand why (aside from some of the socio-economic reasons or affordability and stigma surrounding the disease that still lingers).

Almost done now guys, I promise.  Two things left.  First in case you're still wondering, depression isn't made up.  Mostly people you meet who talk about it aren't looking for attention, few are, admitting to it means admitting you're weak, broken, etc.  At least culturally that's what we hear often.  However more and more we're finding that depression is physical and can even be related to the bacteria you happen to have living in your gut which can alter your health aiding and even causing Autism, Crohn's disease, depression, obesity, Parkinson's disease, and ADHD as well as other ailments.

I find some days hard to deal with, sure I want to write lots of great blog posts, make amazing art, and be a perfect wife with a lovely home and garden.  The impossibility of all those things at once should be absurdly obvious to you folks, but I know some people manage to accomplish some form of this that on the outside looks amazing.  You probably have some in your Facebook feed, showing off gorgeous slices of their own lives.  On the flip side of things depression often makes our failures, even small ones seem huge, and the admirable goals we set to be beautifully functioning human beings with time and motivation to do all we believe in....well it's a high standard when you just want to crawl into a dark closet.

I leave you guys with this incredible poem by my friend and brother DJ.
Love,
Lydia  

Oh, you want to get out of bed?

Well that’s gonna run ya ‘bout 3 nightmares,

a fear of that noise outside the door

and the crippling anxiety of another jobless

loveless

lifeless

day.

AND you want to get dressed?

Well first, let’s sift through yesterday.

And I’m not even talking about the yellow brick road

of clothes piled up from your bed to your door.

I mean that thing you said

at 2:08 PM

to that girl you’ve been texting

how you agonized for hours

thinking you scared her away

(too).

That shit didn’t even send.

Speaking of sending,

I see you want to make plans.

Well plans

are for people in the light.

Plans are for folks with open doors

and your deadbolts rusted

before you even realized you had them.

I’m not locked in here with you.

You’re locked in here with me.

I put on the inkblots

and you tell me who you see running away in them today.

And your friends?

What friends?

Oh,

you mean the pillars.

The people you lean on until they break.

Don’t you see that everyone you love runs away from you?

What does that say about love

and what does that say about you?

Love is a freeway that avoids me

and everything is a mountaintop,

thick forest,

broken GPS.

Are you hungry now?

Good. 

There’s nothing you could pay me to say

that you deserve food today.

I’ll make everything taste like asphalt

in the south

in the summer.

I’ll burn you with the only thing you thought would never judge you.

And yes, they are judging you.

They see you fumbling with your socks.

They see the holes in the wall,

the tokens of my ritual.

Everyone is fine.

No one is suffering.

This is all in your head.

Now fuck you,

pay me.

Want to go

anywhere?

How many auditory hallucinations

are you willing to pay me in?

How many flashing lights will you mistake for the cops?

How many times will you look at the shoulder

and imagine your car wrapped around the median,

barricade in your chest 

giving you the only hug I’ll let you believe?

And what are you doing now that you’re there?

Watching the entire room.

The cost of going out is taking the whole world in.

You are not wall flower.

How dare you compare yourself to something so beautiful on my watch.

I am not in your mind. I

am

your

mind

and you will give me what I’m owned or

well, there is no else.

Turn every day into your deepest fear

or you don’t have a day at all.

Stop

full stop

every time.

Give me my flesh.

Cut it out of your wrist. 

The payment for survival

is just that -

no living, no being, no enjoying.

Survive. Persist. Exist.

Subsist. Persevere. Extinguish.

Subhuman. Purloined. Excised.

Cut.

Cut.

This is the excise for the end of the day.

You pay to wake up

and pay to sleep

in blood.

In ashes.

In the splinters of the bridges of the day.

Don’t call anyone.

They don’t want to hear from you.

I am your best friend now

and we

are going to be immortal together.

That project

won’t make you live forever.

The obituary will

and you thought I was done bleeding you dry?

Run your shit

because death will cost you everything.

Who will you tell?

Your parents don’t believe you

your siblings need you strong

and your friends?

We’ve been over that.

Your friends will never know.

We’re going to have a going away party for two.

I’ll bring the rope

you bring the bleach

and when they ask what’s wrong

from the good side of a hospital bed

the better side of a casket

tell the truth.

See how they feel 

about depression

taking a toll on you.